THE EARMARK

On the same morning that Tiger Woods apologized for instigating his wife’s golf club attack, Minnesota governor Tim Pawlenty told the Conservative Political Action Conference that the golfer’s spouse had it right all along.

Now he wants to set her loose on the federal government…

Joking about Woods’ looming press conference, Pawlenty said. “I think we can learn a lot from that situation. Not from Tiger, but from his wife.”

“She said she’d had enough, and we’ve had enough,” he said. “I think we should take a nine iron and smash the windows out.”

True to the spirit of his golf metaphor, Pawlenty then teed off on Democrats, slicing piles of red meat into a CPAC audience that aptly resembled a golf bunker… all white.

Pawlenty also took time to articulate the two positions one can take in American public life: Patriot or Liberal.

“Patriots in this room and patriots across the country are rising up, and we have a message for liberals: If you plan to take out freedoms we will fight back!” Pawlenty exclaimed.

Patriot or liberal?  Those are our only options?

Well then don’t tell the Kennedy family, a family known as much for their military service, Special Olympics sponsorship, and social justice initiatives as for their liberal politics.

And don’t tell CPAC’s own Gov. Rick Perry (R-TX), who certainly isn’t a liberal, and probably isn’t a patriot either… unless wanting to secede from the country counts as patriotic.

A new Gallup poll released last week offers both good news and bad news for President Obama.

The bad news?  Obama is statistically tied with a generic Republican in the 2012 presidential election.

The good news?  Many Republicans surveyed believe that “generic” candidate should be either John McCain or Scott Brown.

To rephase: That’s one candidate who’s fresh off a 2008 loss, would be 85 by the end of his second term, and might lose his Senate primary to Atilla the Hun.  And a second candidate who has spent more time buck naked in the pages of Cosmo than he’s spent on Capitol Hill.

Among GOP frontrunners, McCain and Brown trail only Mitt Romney, whose entire governing experience consists of a single term as governor, and Sarah Palin, who didn’t even make it that far.

And that’s your top four: Romney, Palin, McCain, Brown.  This leaves us with just one question:

WHAT, no Ronald Reagan?  Or at least Curt Schilling, Barry Goldwater or Joe the Plumber– all right-wing heroes.  And what about Rudy?  It’s only been nine years since 9/11.  Hell, even Joe Lieberman should be on this list.

As for professional GOP campaigners like Minnesota Gov. Tim Pawlenty and Louisiana Robot-in-Chief Bobby Jindal, the message is clear: They’d best either lose an election or irrationally quit their jobs pronto if they plan to be flipping pancakes in New Hampshire come January 2012.

Item! The word in Washington is that Sen. John McCain (R-AZ) is about to announce his pick for his vice-presidential running mate! This will be McCain’s most important decision of the campaign. Whoever serves as his #2 will have the responsibilities of:

* Serving as President of the U.S. Senate.

*Being dispatched to dinner functions in countries whose cuisine gives McCain gas.

* Running the country each night from 7 to 8 pm while McCain is watching Matlock.

Washington Insiders have narrowed down McCain’s choices to five front-runners and the Pages are pleased to give you our Official Vegas Betting Odds on each of them:

Name	Why He’ll Get It	Why He Won’t	Page’s Betting Odds
Tim Pawlenty Governor of Minnesota	Evangelical Christian from a potential swing-state.	Who wants a vice-president who can’t even score with his own wife?	2 : 1
Mitt Romney Former Governor of Massachusetts	Only candidate who can carry the hedge fund and polygamy votes simultaneously.	Americans might be intimidated by such a brilliant, accomplished, righteous, wealthy, handsome family man. (Source: Mitt Romney)	Six : Half-Dozen
Charlie Crist Governor of Florida	Having an obviously gay man on the ticket could help McCain cut into a traditionally Democratic voting bloc.	His dark orange tan clashes badly with the McCain campaign’s blue-and-white theme colors.	69 : 1
Joe Lieberman Senator from Connecticut	Brings valuable experience in the field of losing vice-presidential campaigns. Comes with his own theme song.	Dogged by insidious Washington whisper campaign that he is a Jew.	666 : 1
Bobby Jindal Governor of Louisiana	Introduced an Amber Alert for senior citizens in his home state, so he’ll be ready to respond when McCain wanders off during a G-8 Summit.	America may not be ready for a Catholic vice-president.	1.132 billion : 1