04
Jul
What Scandal Is Sarah Palin Hiding?
Author: Dylan and Ethan Ris | Category: Election 2008, Election 2012, Republicans
So Alaska governor Sarah Palin is stepping down on July 26, and pundits are struggling to figure out why. Is she running for president? Is she going to cash in Mike Huckabee-style with a show on Fox News? Or will she ride her VP loser status to international acclaim, just like Joe Lieberman and John Edwards?
The answer is no, no, and no. If you ask us, Palin is obviously stepping down in anticipation of a major scandal becoming national news! The only question is what scandal? We’ll get the ball rolling with a couple speculations, but feel free to add your own in the comments section!
| Scandal | Fallout | Next Governor of Alaska Will Be… |
|---|---|---|
| She attempted to kill John McCain by replacing his Viagra with Ted Stevens’ horse tranquilizers. | While Cindy McCain didn’t seem to mind, Mrs. Stevens received a most unwelcome surprise. | Lt. Governor Sean Parnell. |
| Bristol is the true mother of Michael Jackson’s children. | Ensuing custody battle will leave Palin with little time for governing. | Debbie Rowe. |
| E-mail records reveal Palin spent the third week of June in Buenos Aires. | Staff threatens mutiny since she told them she’d be shooting wolves out of an airplane during that time. | Maria Belén Chapur. |
| Todd pregnant. | Neither scandal nor shame nor human biology can hold back the seed of Levi Johnston. | Mike Gravel. |
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