THE EARMARK

The consequences of Ted Kennedy’s death have hit far and wide, from healthcare reform to civil rights to the Washington drinking scene.  But nothing may suffer a more  dire fate than Massachusetts’ blissful lack of moronic ex-jocks running for office.

With Kennedy gone, his unfilled Senate seat has opened the bullpen gates for ex-Red Sox blowhard Curt Schilling to run for office and presumably start comparing trade deficits to ERA…

A day after writing on his blog that he has “some interest” in running for the seat held for nearly 50 years by Democratic Sen. Edward M. Kennedy, Curt Schilling did not back off — and sounded even more determined in considering the opportunity…

A registered independent and longtime Republican supporter, Schilling wrote on his blog that while his family and video game company, 38 Studios, are high priorities, “I do have some interest in the possibility.”

What adds intrigue to the story is that Schilling, by seeking Kennedy’s Massachusetts seat, would actually replace retiring Sen. Jim Bunning (R-KY), in order to fulfill the Senate’s quota for old, white, conservative ex-jocks whose primary foreign policy experience was pitching a few games in Canada.  (Or in Bunning’s day, the Dakota Territory.)

Schilling’s resume contains appropriate similarities to Bunning’s — for instance, his heroic World Series victory on a bum ankle rivals Bunning getting attacked by little green doctors.  Still, we won’t be true believers until Schilling predicts a Supreme Court justice’s death, attempts to sue the Republican Party, and loses all of the computer/social media comprehension he currently possesses.

Meanwhile, by this same logic, Bunning’s successor must fill the Ted Kennedy void.  Given that the criteria requires the candidate to be dashing, proudly liberal, ready to party — and, very important, willing to spend a lot of time in Kentucky — it appears the list starts and ends with George Clooney.

Okay, we admit it:  The above headline is a randomly generated combination of words that got spit out of a computer.  But it turns out that there’s a news story to which it correlates.

It seems that Stephen Harper, the prime minister of Canada (premier ministre du Canada), attended the state funeral of a Catholic governor general (gouverneur général) and was offered the traditional wafer representing the body of our Lord and Savior Jesus Christ (notre Seigneur et Sauveur Maurice Richard.)  And based on what happened next, let’s just hope the Prime Minister was on Atkin’s or something like that…

Harper, a devout Protestant, attended last week’s state funeral for Canada’s former governor general, Romeo LeBlanc, during which a Catholic priest offered him a communion host.

Television images, some of which have been posted on YouTube, showed Harper receiving the host. The camera remained on the premier for several seconds but it did not show him actually place the wafer into his mouth…

A Catholic official, vicar general Brian Henneberry, raised the controversy by openly wondering what Harper had done with the wafer.

Henneberry, who is chancellor of Saint John in New Brunswick where the funeral took place, said it would be scandalous had the prime minister put it in his pocket.

Our good friend Dennis DiClaudio at Indecision Forever notes that it’s simply un-Canadian to judge a head of state based on whether or not he partakes in an archaic medieval tribute to blood sacrifice; that tends to be the domain of the United States.

But just as Christ died for the sins of others, so too are American politicians covering our allies’ asses in the eyes of the Lord.  As if anticipating that Harper would one day refuse the body of Christ, prominent Catholic leaders like Ted Kennedy, Vito Fossella and Mark Foley have been consuming the blood of Christ at a frenetic pace for decades — all for Canada’s sake, of course.

Praise the Lord for good allies!

We were getting worried there!