Paparazzi Prepares for Sean Parnell Fever
Author: Dylan Ris | Category: Democrats, Republicans
“Courtesy of http://www.northerngaspipelines.com“
It’s moving day in Juneau. And we all know what that means… A big time shake-up at The National Enquirer.
Out: Sarah Palin… the moose-eating, wolf-shooting, college-transferring, $150,000-wardrobe-wearing, gaffe-emitting, Russian intelligence-intercepting, baby-scandal-having governor who fancies herself a “maverick barracuda.”
In: Sean Parnell… the same.
At least that’s what we assume. All we know is that the Enquirer’s photographers will spare no expense to provide the commodity their readers demand above all else — photos of the current Alaska governor!
Now the Parnell haters in the blogosphere argue that he never gave birth at 44 and his Miss South Carolina impression is still pretty raw. But celeb-obsessed Americans will gladly accept lesser feats, such as losing an election to a criminal and chairing “numerous budget subcommittees” — just as long as it’s the governor of Alaska we’re talking about.
Not to mention the tabloids won’t be the only entity to pile on Parnell from this day forward. The following are also known to prey on Alaska governors, in case Parnell wasn’t already prepared…
| Who | What They’ll Want From Parnell |
|---|---|
| Charlie Gibson and Katie Couric | Reading lists, snicker-worthy malapropisms, a definition of “the Obama Doctrine.” |
| William Kristol | A night of passionate lovemaking. |
| The 2012 Republican nominee for President | To be a heartbeat from the presidency. The party has it down to a formula: 3 years governing the tundra –> VP run –> irrational resignation –> repeat. |
| Levi Johnston | A field trip to Fairbanks with Parnell’s daughters Grace and Rachel. |
So Alaska governor Sarah Palin is stepping down on July 26, and pundits are struggling to figure out why. Is she running for president? Is she going to cash in 
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