THE EARMARK

Let’s be honest, patriots.  Ronald Reagan was the greatest American since Jesus Christ, and he deserves as much named after him as possible.  Countless freeways and schools, an airport, an aircraft carrier, and a missile test range are not nearly enough!

We must now turn our sights to natural wonders– those landmarks created by God to set the stage for the Great Communicator’s 93-year visit from heaven from (1911-2004).

Thankfully, a San Francisco Bay-area Christian is on the case– and he’s eradicating Satan in the process!

Arthur Mijares never saw it coming when he filed the federal paperwork to change the name of Contra Costa County’s most famous landmark from Mt. Diablo to Mt. Reagan…

“I just happen to be an ordinary man that worships God,” Mijares said by way of explanation. “He gave me this task in my prayer time. I said, ‘Lord, they’re going to think I’m a loon.’”

But only because they’re in league with Satan, Arthur.  Judging from public comments, naming a San Francisco-area mountain for Reagan would be about as popular as renaming the Daytona Motor Speedway for Nancy Pelosi…

In less than a month, more than 80,000 people have joined a Facebook group called “People AGAINST Re-naming Mt. Diablo to Mt. Reagan!!” The Contra Costa County Board of Supervisors, which will vote on the name change Tuesday, has been flooded with e-mail; the heated response runs nine to one against the idea.

Although the Board won’t vote until this afternoon, it’s already clear  the Bay Area has cast its lot with the Devil, and the Reagan movement will have to pick a more auspicious locale for their Messiah’s resurrection.  (We suggest Grover Norquist’s jacuzzi.)

If it’s any solace to the pro-Reagan crowd, it may be impossible for Republicans to get public recognition in greater San Francisco.  In a town where George W. Bush can’t even get a sewage plant named after him, the time may have come to cut bait and just embrace Satan after all.

A new Gallup poll released last week offers both good news and bad news for President Obama.

The bad news?  Obama is statistically tied with a generic Republican in the 2012 presidential election.

The good news?  Many Republicans surveyed believe that “generic” candidate should be either John McCain or Scott Brown.

To rephase: That’s one candidate who’s fresh off a 2008 loss, would be 85 by the end of his second term, and might lose his Senate primary to Atilla the Hun.  And a second candidate who has spent more time buck naked in the pages of Cosmo than he’s spent on Capitol Hill.

Among GOP frontrunners, McCain and Brown trail only Mitt Romney, whose entire governing experience consists of a single term as governor, and Sarah Palin, who didn’t even make it that far.

And that’s your top four: Romney, Palin, McCain, Brown.  This leaves us with just one question:

WHAT, no Ronald Reagan?  Or at least Curt Schilling, Barry Goldwater or Joe the Plumber– all right-wing heroes.  And what about Rudy?  It’s only been nine years since 9/11.  Hell, even Joe Lieberman should be on this list.

As for professional GOP campaigners like Minnesota Gov. Tim Pawlenty and Louisiana Robot-in-Chief Bobby Jindal, the message is clear: They’d best either lose an election or irrationally quit their jobs pronto if they plan to be flipping pancakes in New Hampshire come January 2012.

What do CNN, MSNBC, C-SPAN and all the broadcast networks have in common?  Well that’s easy.  None have exposed Ronald Reagan and John D. Rockefeller as pro-art communist weasels!

Thankfully though, we have Fox News to pick up the slack.  Their exposé began last night, when they dispatched in-house art critic Glenn Beck to tour the headquarters of NBC — in a building constructed by Rockefeller and afforded landmark status by Reagan.  And horror of horrors, what did Beck find there?  Why paintings!  And sculpture!  And it gets worse:  Some of it was made by foreigners!

Here’s Beck critiquing a 1937 bas-relief by Attilio Piccirilli, an American who happened to have been born in Italy.  From the Modern Art Notes blog…

“Who is this? Who is this?” Beck asked, his voice rising to a yell. “This is the strong leader taking that, using that industry and those machines to lead us into the, uh, bright future, led by our children. Gee, who’s having indoctrination next week? Oh yeah, that’s right, our  president. Completely unrelated. This represents, at the time this was made, Mussolini. This represents Mussolini.”

As the tour continued, Beck pointed out more of Rockefeller/Reagan’s communist gems, including a Carl Paul Jennewein painting that features both a hammer and a sickle.  Although they’re on opposite sides of the painting, and also those symbols predate communism by centuries, but Glenn Beck is really angry so let’s just follow along and try to shield our eyes from the spittle.

Despite Beck’s vigor, the tour did not get past Rockefeller Center’s lobby.  Although we assume Rockefeller and Reagan stashed their most valuable commie cache up on the top floor, Beck could not venture so high for fear of a lightning strike to his tin-foil hat.