Jack Murtha Heads to That Big Appropriations Committee in the Sky
Author: Dylan Ris | Category: Democrats, House of Representatives
Early yesterday morning, U.S. Rep. John P. Murtha (D-PA) absconded from his earthly legislating duties for a little slice of paradise beyond the clouds. And no, that doesn’t mean he rode a Lockheed Martin F-35 to John Murtha Regional Airport in Pennsylvania. It just means he died. Went to heaven, if you’re a believer.
Now some of you might say that’s hogwash. Like if you’re Rep. Pete Stark (D-CA), and you don’t believe in heaven. Or if you’re Rep. Steny Hoyer (D-MD), and you don’t believe in heaven for Jack Murtha. Or if you’re a resident of Murtha’s district, and you don’t believe in heaven for Congressmen that support black presidential candidates.
But let’s say Murtha did make it through the pearly gates. What awaits him? Well, here are some possibilities for the dearly departed Democrat…
| If Murtha’s Heaven Is… |
…It Means |
|---|---|
| A giant VFW where decorated Marines get to slow-dance with Nancy Pelosi to the tune of Yankee Doodle Dandy. | It was all worth it, Jackie Baby! |
| A tour of duty in Murtha’s hated Iraq War. | God voted Bush/Cheney in ‘04. |
| A roaring Alaska brook filled with trout. | Confirmation of longstanding rumors that Murtha was a bear. |
| A $459 billion military appropriation, $4 million worth of taxpayer money for all your nephews, bribe money from a fake sheik, and a spot on CREW’s list of most corrupt politicians. | Heaven is exactly like life on earth. |
Rest in peace, Congressman Murtha.
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