THE EARMARK

Embattled GOP chairman Michael Steele has spent most of his brief tenure driving people away from the Republican Party.  Whether it’s losing once solidly conservative congressional districts or blaming the recession on gay people, Chairman Steele has been about as welcoming a presence as Newt Gingrich in a union hall.

Well now it’s time to win the people back.  And Steele, apparently drawing ethnicities out of a hat, has decided to begin with African-Americans.  Now for those skeptics who weren’t impressed by Steele’s effort to kindle an “off-the-hook… hip hop” GOP earlier this year, the chairman promises this time will be different.

Because this time, he’s bringing Southern slang and soul food…

Asked what efforts he’s undertaking to include minorities in the Republican Party, Michael Steele, the party’s new chairman, replies, “My plan is to say, ‘Y’all come, because a lot of you are already here.’” He adds laughing, “I got the fried chicken and potato salad, OK.”

While we applaud Steele’s presumed intent — to bring new faces into American politics — we question his methods of doing so.  When your party hasn’t sent a single African-American to either house of Congress since J.C. Watts retired, it’s hard to expect minority voters to disregard this fact simply because they were offered a plate of chicken.

But we don’t think Steele has it all wrong.  The truth is that by offering fried chicken and potato salad, he will draw a certain type of voter who, as Steele himself puts it, is “already here.”  The problem is that this voter isn’t an African-American.  It’s Mike Huckabee.

So Alaska governor Sarah Palin is stepping down on July 26, and pundits are struggling to figure out why.  Is she running for president?  Is she going to cash in Mike Huckabee-style with a show on Fox News?  Or will she ride her VP loser status to international acclaim, just like Joe Lieberman and John Edwards?

The answer is no, no, and no.  If you ask us, Palin is obviously stepping down in anticipation of a major scandal becoming national news!   The only question is what scandal?  We’ll get the ball rolling with a couple speculations, but feel free to add your own in the comments section!

When an Oklahoma politician seeks to establish him or herself as the state’s most obnoxious, hate-mongering bigot, the task is formidable.  After all, the state’s U.S. Senators, James “God, Guns, & Gays” Inhofe and Tom “Lesbian Bathroom Orgy” Coburn are so homophobic, that out-hating them would appear to be an almost impossible task.

Until now.  Clear the decks for Republican State Rep. Sally Kern, who has just issued the “Oklahoma Citizen’s Proclamation for Morality” aka “blame the recession on the gays”.  Here’s an excerpt…

WHEREAS, we believe our economic woes are consequences of our greater national moral crisis; and

WHEREAS, this nation has become a world leader in promoting abortion, pornography, same sex marriage, sex trafficking, divorce, illegitimate births, child abuse, and many other forms of debauchery;

If you read on, you can also witness Kern ranting about the need for even more religion intertwined into our government.  Her argument largely consists of putting phrases like “HOLY BIBLE” in all caps.

It should be noted that Kern spewed similar noise 15 months ago when she told a citizens’ group…

“Studies show that no society that has totally embraced homosexuality has lasted more than, you know, a few decades. So it’s the death knell of this country.”

That particular speech also listed Islam (the entire religion) as a national threat, and it got Kern into trouble — although less so for her bigotry than for the fact that she directly plagiarized Mike Huckabee, who told GQ Magazine, “there’s never been a civilization that has rewritten what marriage and family means and survived.”

Long story short, Kern may be overmatched by her home state’s resident bigots, but there’s plenty of room for her in the Big Tent of Huckabee’s national GOP.  (Assuming Huckabee himself isn’t under that tent at the same time — both figuratively and literally.)