THE EARMARK

The problem with traditional awards like the Pulitzer and the Nobel is that they’re all but off limits to the likes of Ann Coulter, active Klansmen, and Sen. James Inhofe (R-OK).

That’s why we’d like to thank the good people at the Southern Poverty Law Center for coming up with an award that even that crowd can win…

To the Oscars, the Grammys and the Emmys, you can now add a wonderful new distinction: the Dobbies.

Awarded by the Southern Poverty Law Center, the Dobbies, named after CNN commentator Lou Dobbs, honor the year’s greatest declaration of bigotry, chauvinism and plain stupidity.

Although it would be hard for a Dobbie winner to “out-bigot” the award’s namesake, we think that there are several prime candidates for this year’s honor…

- Rep. Bill Posey (R-FL) Posey gets a nod for introducing the infamous “birther bill” that seems to be getting more attention in the House than healthcare reform.  Dobbs himself would sign on as a co-sponsor, but he can’t bring himself to run for Congress because of all the Mexicans working there.

- Rep. Michele Bachmann (R-MN) In terms of sheer volume (both definitions), Bachmann’s contributions to the field of stupidity have been unrivaled in 2009.  Whether calling for a violent revolution, warning of “flying imams,” predicting White House-sponsored “re-education camps,” Bachmann has proved that there is truly nothing she won’t say… unless, of course, it is true.

- Rep. Spencer Bauchus (R-AL) You can’t truly understand bluster, paranoia or stupidity until you read Bauchus’s list of 17 confirmed socialists in the United States Congress.  Rep. McCarthy’s Bauchus’ quest for a Dobbie might be derailed, however, by the fact that he basically stole his whole act from the aforementioned Bachmann.

- President Barack Hussein Obama (D-Kenya) Obama is the clear-cut winner of this award, given that he brazenly ran for president and won despite being a Kenyan spy that was planted into the United States sometime in the early ’80s to savagely attend college and then become leader of the free world, all in the name of Islamo-Fascism and rampant Mexican infestation as they come over here like savages, STEAL our jobs, rape our women, and pray to their heathen leader, Señor Allah!!

Sorry to eliminate that last entry, folks.  But using our powers as editors, we decided that Lou Dobbs wasn’t allowed to submit a nominee in his own contest.

With the August recess looming on the horizon and no imminent health care reform, it appears that Congressional Summer 2009 will be mostly remembered for Michael Jackson, Perry Mason, and disturbingly ceaseless “birther” movement.

The latter topic has been a particularly big hit of late, from an angry mob screaming at Rep. Mike Castle (R-DE) and to Rep. Tim Murphy (R-PA) hiding in a House supply store to avoid admitting that President Obama is a citizen.

But the most significant development on the topic has been the rise of the “birther bill,” introduced by Rep. Bill Posey (R-FL).  (The St. Petersburg Times speculates it was Posey’s ploy to finally get on Keith Olbermann’s show, but we suspect the congressmen just wants to keep Panamanians like John McCain out of the White House.)

Ultimately though, this bill is about President Obama, and it turns out that Posey isn’t the only representative who wants to waste our nation’s time questioning the man’s citizenship.  The Posey bill now has 11 co-sponsors, with the latest, Rep. Louie Gohmert (R-TX), signing on yesterday…

“I don’t know if it’s true or not,” Gohmert told the Washington Post’s Sleuth in a telephone interview Wednesday evening. “But I read that Lou Dobbs said [Obama's] original birth certificate was destroyed.”

Really Rep. Gohmert?  You’re a United States congressman — one of 435 elite individuals leading the people’s house of Congress — and you’re getting your news from Lou Dobbs?  Did you pick out the spittle first?

As long as you’re watching, Congressman, you might want to pick up a few nutrition tips from ol’ Lou as well.  We understand he has a few spare boxes of race-baiting waffles lying around the bunker.

At least that would steer the conversation back toward health care.