THE EARMARK

Former Senator Larry Craig (R-Toto) is not a guy we thought we’d be hearing about much more.  After his exit from Washington in January, we assumed that he would head home, strike a wide stance, and shove hot dogs into hollowed-out potatoes for the rest of his golden years.

But as it turns out, Craig isn’t the type of guy to take a forced retirement lying down.  He’s decided to capitalize on his deep DC experience - after all, the man spent 28 years getting his hands dirty inside the Beltway.  Who else knows as much as him about lubricating the wheels of power and penetrating the innermost circles of Congress?

So, according to the Idaho Statesman, he’s opening a consulting firm.

Said Craig: “I’ve really worked through every problem imaginable in Washington.”

The firm, called New West Strategies LLC, has offices in DC and Idaho, and sports a delightful website that includes a phone number (202-333-5990) that we desperately want to crank call.

The question, of course, is what exactly will this firm consult on?  The website suggests that their focus will be on the environment (namely, fighting on behalf of businesses in their quest to destroy it).  But we’re pretty sure that they’ll happily consult on just about any issue you can think of, except one … something that he cannot possibly touch …

US Air Force appropriations.  Why, what were you thinking about?

Politicians weather a lot of unflattering comparisons in the line of duty.  Any time you’re told you resemble Frankenstein (John Kerry), the Incredible Hulk (Bill Richardson) or a pig (Sarah Palin), it has to dent even the most bloated of egos.

Well apparently these comparisons continue even after a politician has left office.  We refer, of course, to the recent juxtaposition between former Sen. Larry Craig (R-ID) and a gay celebrity penguin at the San Francisco city zoo.  For those who haven’t already been swept up in penguin fever, it appears that a previously gay magellanic penguin named Harry left his male lover for a female.  Complicating matters was the fact that Harry’s old flame, Pepper, felt spurned.

What happened next is so obvious we feel foolish even reporting it.  Clearly it was time for conservative columnist Matt Barber to compare Pepper, the slighted gay penguin, to Sen. Craig…

Still, it appears that Pepper has yet to hit rock bottom. In recent days he has reportedly been spotted waddling around the zoo’s public men’s room, skulking in stalls and inexplicably tapping his flipper. There’s even speculation that, as things continue to spiral, he may consider a run for political office.

Pretty harsh and yet, we’d contest Barber’s definition of “rock bottom.”  While trolling the men’s room for anonymous blow jobs is pretty darn low, even lower is being compared to a penguin — who, though down on his luck — has not resorted to this behavior.

And even sadder… the comparison was meant to be insulting to the penguin.