THE EARMARK

America is down in the dumps. More than ever, we need a good laugh, and yet where is the comedy?  TV is showing repeats, Al Franken is trying to be serious, and Joe Biden has been put in cold storage until campaign season.

Fellow Americans, the time to act is now.  Is there anybody out there willing to lay down his dignity, his personal reputation, and his grip on reality to make us hoot like jackals until we hyperventilate?

Thankfully a martyr has stepped forward for the sake of comedy, and to him we offer our gratitude.  That said, we had no idea said martyr would be a United States Senator…

Illinois Sen. Roland Burris announced last month that he would not run to retain his Senate seat next year, but in his first television interview since making that decision, Burris told ABC News he could change his mind.

“You never say never,” Burris told ABC News… “What I’m still hearing,” Burris said, is “people from all over the country and they are saying, ‘Don’t give up that seat.’”

Now if you read our earlier report that Burris had withdrawn from the race to raise bail money for Rod Blagojevich, we stand fully prepared to issue a retraction right here.  And we’ll do so with utter glee.

See, while we hate to get a story wrong, how could we pass up a chance to cover a 2010 Senate campaign where an incumbent polling 5% among Democrats and 0.6% among independents runs because he thinks it’s the people’s mandate.  Can Burris be serious?  Even Patti Blagojevich polled higher on I’m a Celebrity… Get Me Out of Here!

We also can’t wait to see who Burris drags up to introduce him at rallies, given that everyone from Gov. Pat Quinn to Sen. Dick Durbin to the Daleys, has told him to resign.  Maybe the late John Wayne Gacy will do the honors, given that he’s the only remaining Illinois Democrat that hasn’t issued a statement condemning Burris.

Now Burris could try to bring in a heavy hitter from the national party to drum up excitement.  We understand that John Edwards has an open schedule.  So does Mike Gravel. But even those guys are going to be pretty tough to rope in when your entire campaign budget is $845.

Ah, comedy.

As we reported a couple of weeks ago, the White House apparently got so fed up with Vice President Joe Biden’s constant verbal blunders that they decided to hustle him out of the country.