THE EARMARK

Washington’s closeted gay community is abuzz with the scandalous news that a Republican senator of the male persuasion fondled New York Times columnist David Brooks during a recent dinner encounter.  To quote Brooks directly…

“He had his hand on my inner thigh the whole time.  I was like, ‘Ugh. Get me out of here.’”

Pressed by MSNBC reporters to name his Senate paramour, Brooks declined, which was clearly his way of saying that he wanted irresponsible bloggers to speculate on this person’s identity.

Well glad you asked, David! Here are our guesses…

Name	Why It Might Be Him
Jim Risch (Idaho)	Risch’s seat is haunted by the ghost of its former occupant, Larry Craig.
“Big Bad” John Cornyn (Texas)	Every time Cornyn dresses up in that fetching leather tassel jacket, he starts doing the most fabulous things.
Mitch McConnell (Kentucky)	Was not actually McConnell’s hand on Brooks’s thigh, but rather a stray chin flap that was drooping toward the floor.
John Barrasso (Wyoming)	After over two years in the Senate and not a single mention in the New York Times, this was Barraso’s last-ditch effort.
Robert C. Byrd (West Virginia)	Byrd is technically a Democrat, but Brooks also made distinct reference to a Senator that is “like a St. Bernard, drooling everywhere.”