THE EARMARK

Remember Ned Lamont?  He’s the cable-TV mogul who beat Sen. Joe Lieberman in the Connecticut Democratic primary back in 2006, only to lose to him three months later in the general election.

Well, now he’s back and he’s announced his candidacy to succeed retiring Governor “M” Jodi Rell this November.

Lamont enters the Democratic primary as the nominal front-runner, but other candidates are on the horizon.  How will Lamont repeat history by beating them in the primary, and then losing to them in November?

Opponent	How Lamont Will Beat Him in the Primary	How Lamont Will Lose to Him in the General
Chris Dodd, retiring Senator	Dodd, embarrassed after being forced out of his Senate seat, will fail to rehabilitate his sullied image among Democrats.	Lamont will be caught by surprise when Countrywide Insurance, emboldened by the Supreme Court’s recent campaign finance ruling, donates $50 billion worth of foreclosed properties to Dodd’s campaign, putting him over the top.
Alec Baldwin, actor	Lamont will gain victory by pointing out that Baldwin, despite his frequent candidacy for public office in Connecticut, technically lives in New York.	Confused Tea Party activists, mistakening him for his right-wing brother Stephen, will hand Baldwin the governorship.
Joe Lieberman, Senator	Lieberman can’t resist making an ass of himself, so he will enter and lose the governor’s race.	Patriotic “buy America” fever will give Joe the edge, considering that Lamont drives a Prius and Lieberman is the one thing keeping Chrysler’s PT Cruiser in production.
Paul Newman, deceased philanthropist	Although Newman is a beloved Connecticut icon, Lamont will sneak past him in the primary by pointing out that he is dead.	Lamont is simply a loser.

So, this past weekend was the big annual National Governors Association conference.  The good people of Biloxi, Mississippi, went all out to put on a great time for the governors, because they deserve it, and to be honest there’s not a whole lot else going on in Biloxi these days.  But attendance was kind of sparse.

Turns out a lot of the governors had a … thing.  That couldn’t be avoided.  Sorry, Biloxi.

Fewer than half of the nation’s 50 governors attended the gathering this year, including the group’s chairman, Gov. Ed Rendell, D-Penn.

Before introducing a videotaped message from Rendell, the incoming NGA chairman, Gov. Jim Douglas, R-Vt., opened the first session on Saturday by stating Rendell needed to stay put in Harrisburg to deal with his state’s “economic and fiscal crisis.”

Now it’s understandable that some governors couldn’t make it because they had incredibly important tasks to do, like checking their email or squabbling with local teenagers.  Some may have had urgent business to take care of with waitresses in parking garages.  And others may have tried to come, but forgot their IDs.

Still, they missed out.  Sure turnout was low, but the governors who did show up had a blast.  John Baldacci of Maine brought some great onion dip and Brad Henry of Oklahoma told his famous off-color joke about “flied lice.”

Oh, and nobody made fools of themselves by exchanging Senate seats for rough sex like two bad apples did last year.