THE EARMARK

Remember how, back in 2008, we all voted out the Republicans because they were greedy, corrupt, and disrespectful of the voting public?  Well give them this much: At least they were good at it.

If you want to see politicians who are simultaneously a) corrupt and b) really bad at it, look no farther than New York state, where elected Democrats are tarnishing every institution of disciplined corruption that the Gambino family worked for decades to establish.

To illustrate our point, here’s a list of all the corrupt Democrats that New York has had to endure in recent months… plus the corrupt Republicans they could learn from.

Corrupt Democrat	Act of Corruption	Republican Who Did It Better
Eliot Spitzer, ex-governor	Hard to believe this was 2 years ago.  Spitzer rode a wave of self-righteousness all the way to Washington, DC, where he washed up aboard The Mayflower… and then paid several thousand dollars for rough sex.	David Vitter, who one-ups Spitzer’s hypocrisy by trying to criminalize the very prostitution industry he patronized so faithfully.
David Paterson, current governor	Allegedly used state police to intimidate the victim of his wife-beating aide. And he forced the Yankees to give him free World Series tickets.	Rudy Giuliani knows more about exploiting the Yankees.  He also knows how to get way more out of thuggish police officers.
Hiram Monserrate, ex-State Senator	Beat the crap out of his live-in girlfriend.	Ousted Rep. Don Sherwood (R-PA) beat the crap out of his live-in mistress.
Charlie Rangel, U.S. Representative	Despite chairing the tax-writing House Ways and Means Committee, he appears to not have declared a taxable asset since the Carter administration.	Ex-Rep. Randy “Duke” Cunningham, who’s paying back taxes on lobbying gifts in the form of hand-made license plates.
Eric Massa, U.S. Representative	Propositioned a male aide in his Capitol Hill offices.	Actually, Massa even beats the Republicans in this category.  Not even Mark Foley was slick enough to use the excuse: “I’m just a salty old sailor.“

Someone in Louisiana has it in for porn star/U.S. Senate candidate Stormy Daniels and her campaign consultant Brian Welch.  In a raunchy bit of political foreplay, an unidentified gigolo blew up Welch’s car in downtown New Orleans on Tuesday night.

Although police have yet to arrest an assailant, all eyes have turned to the Louisianan most associated with women of ill repute — and wouldn’t you know it, that guy just happens to be Daniels’ opponent!

We refer, of course, to the sex industry’s one-man stimulus package, Sen. David Vitter (R-LA).  Now we certainly wouldn’t claim Vitter is the man shown igniting the car in a surveillance video obtained by Welch.  But he has plenty of reason to want Daniels out of the race, not the least of which is that she was outpolling him 4 to 1 as recently as this spring.

But despite an obvious motive, nothing else about the crime screams “David Vitter.”  For instance, where was the temper tantrum and stampede through security doors?  Where was the $249 million for termite research?  And where was the Senator himself, fleeing the scene in sexy diapers?

Plus Vitter has an alibi.  Both before and after the car bombing, he was spotted in Washington ripping Sonia Sotomayor for not using baseball analogies like John Roberts did and fellow Republican George Voinovich for being a moderate.

So Vitter himself is eliminated as a suspect.  But what about members of his family?  It’s certainly a possibility, given that he’s been known to dispatch his daughter for campaign dirty work.  And then there’s his wife, Wendy, who has compared herself to Lorena Bobbitt — meaning that she’s capable of assaulting celebrity porn stars.

No matter who the assailant is, we advise him or her to proceed with caution.  Unless she’s being paid, Stormy Daniels will not go down easily.  And if you don’t believe us, just stop by her husband’s hospital room.

Health care reform is splitting Congress down the middle and America is paying the price.

On the left, you have Hollywood liberals like Blanche Lincoln and Jon Tester, who want to force hardworking Americans into Soviet communal hospitals where all diagnoses call for prescription marijuana and tofu breast implants.

On the right, you have family-first conservatives like David Vitter and John Ensign, who believe poor Americans’ only exposure to medication should be in rural meth labs.

But what about the so-called moderate Republicans (read: Republicans who do not take the Book of Revelations literally)?  Well by today’s standards, Chuck Grassley (R-IA) is one of these Republicans, having gotten an 11% rating from the NAACP and a 20% from the ACLU. (Jim DeMint, just for comparison, got a 7% from both.)

So maybe Grassley would be sympathetic to the health care plan being pushed by President Obama and Congressional Democrats?  Maybe?

Well the senator has weighed in with a response via his favorite medium — Twitter — and the answer is a resounding “no.”  At least we think so.  Which is to say, if you can make sense of this post, please let us know…

Misinformatio accuses me of supportin ObamaCare NOT TRUE I M at table making sure Govt takeovr doesn’t happen,protect patience,and taxpayers

Although nearly 50% of the words in Grassley’s “tweet” were technically English, it’s still hard to make sense of it all.  Fortunately we have this related “tweet” to clarify…

PTL BluDogs Keep barkin Pelosie bill is Govt takeovr of healthCare Breaks Obama promise”keep what u hv” Puts Wash Burocrats in chrg MUSTSTOP

Well, that certainly clears things up.  Not in the sense of Grassley’s health care stance, his openness to compromise, or even his ability to control spastic finger motions.  But it does confirm a theory that we’ve been harboring since a previous Grassley “tweet” on July 18…

He definitively cannot spell “Pelosi.”