THE EARMARK

The Supreme Court ruled today that a Safford, Arizona high school had denied a 13 year-old girl her 4th Ammendment rights by submitting her to a humiliating strip-search on school property.  The 8-1 decision met widespread acclaim from consitutional scholars, while at the same time fetching blue-balled dismay from the Court’s lone dissenter, Clarence Thomas.

Using phrases like “deep intrusion” (while displaying impressive familiarity with the 2003-2004 social calendar at Redding’s middle school), Thomas issued a 22-page rebuke to his colleagues’ ruling, noting that “Redding would not have been the first person to conceal pills in her undergarments.”  This despite the fact that Redding did not, in fact, have pills in her undergarments.

By Thomas’s logic, because other students at Redding’s school were alleged abusers of “pills” (in this case, ibuprofen), the school’s invasive probe was merited.  But if mere proximity to drug abusers is grounds for a humiliating strip-search… well, let’s just say that Jeb Bush, Rep. Dan Burton (R-IN) and John McCain had all better drop trou’ right now to prove their innocence.

And by the way, if anyone has evidence that any of Anita Hill’s friends or relatives have ever smuggled pills at any time, please alert Justice Thomas right away.