THE EARMARK

Remember Ned Lamont?  He’s the cable-TV mogul who beat Sen. Joe Lieberman in the Connecticut Democratic primary back in 2006, only to lose to him three months later in the general election.

Well, now he’s back and he’s announced his candidacy to succeed retiring Governor “M” Jodi Rell this November.

Lamont enters the Democratic primary as the nominal front-runner, but other candidates are on the horizon.  How will Lamont repeat history by beating them in the primary, and then losing to them in November?

Opponent	How Lamont Will Beat Him in the Primary	How Lamont Will Lose to Him in the General
Chris Dodd, retiring Senator	Dodd, embarrassed after being forced out of his Senate seat, will fail to rehabilitate his sullied image among Democrats.	Lamont will be caught by surprise when Countrywide Insurance, emboldened by the Supreme Court’s recent campaign finance ruling, donates $50 billion worth of foreclosed properties to Dodd’s campaign, putting him over the top.
Alec Baldwin, actor	Lamont will gain victory by pointing out that Baldwin, despite his frequent candidacy for public office in Connecticut, technically lives in New York.	Confused Tea Party activists, mistakening him for his right-wing brother Stephen, will hand Baldwin the governorship.
Joe Lieberman, Senator	Lieberman can’t resist making an ass of himself, so he will enter and lose the governor’s race.	Patriotic “buy America” fever will give Joe the edge, considering that Lamont drives a Prius and Lieberman is the one thing keeping Chrysler’s PT Cruiser in production.
Paul Newman, deceased philanthropist	Although Newman is a beloved Connecticut icon, Lamont will sneak past him in the primary by pointing out that he is dead.	Lamont is simply a loser.

Alec Baldwin is not a Republican, but he plays one on TV.  His character Jack Donaghy is an institution on NBC’s 30 Rock, defined by his business prowess and his lust for Greta van Susteren.  And while Baldwin’s real life political views are more of the scream-at-women-in-fur-coats variety, he’s so convincing on TV that even conservatives like Matt Drudge are trying to get into his pants.

Now FCC regulations indicate that an article about contrived political beliefs cannot go beyond a paragraph without mentioning Joe Lieberman, the “Independent Democrat” from Connecticut.  Although he currently caucuses with the Senate Democrats, Lieberman is perhaps best known for his full-throated endorsement of Republican John McCain in the 2008 presidential election.  This followed Lieberman’s own failed run for the Oval Office in 2004, running simultaneously on the Democratic and Anti-Masonic tickets, and his defeat in the 2006 Connecticut Democratic primary to Ned Lamont, whose only qualification for the job of US Senator was having an active Moveon.org account.

So you can probably see where we’re going with this…

Baldwin, a proud Nutmegger (that’s New England slang for a person who technically lives in New York) has been making noise about challenging for Lieberman in 2012.  Declaring that he “had no use for” the turncoat lawmaker, Baldwin suggested that he’d consider a jowl-rattling campaign to return Lieberman’s seat to Democratic hands.  Lieberman replied by imitating Baldwin’s Hollywood buddy Clint Eastwood, but unfortunately the fun ends there.

You see once it dawned on Baldwin that running for Lieberman’s seat would require him to move out of New York and actually live in Connecticut, he began getting cold feet.  So as of press time, he’s out, but not before one final dig at old Joe, calling him a “moderate Republican.”

But Baldwin backed out too hastily.  He might believe that serving as Senator from Connecticut would require you to live in the state, but he couldn’t be more wrong.  As it turns out, the Nutmeg State is currently represented by Iowa resident Chris Dodd and New Hampshire’s own … (drumroll)

Joe Lieberman.