THE EARMARK

America is down in the dumps. More than ever, we need a good laugh, and yet where is the comedy?  TV is showing repeats, Al Franken is trying to be serious, and Joe Biden has been put in cold storage until campaign season.

Fellow Americans, the time to act is now.  Is there anybody out there willing to lay down his dignity, his personal reputation, and his grip on reality to make us hoot like jackals until we hyperventilate?

Thankfully a martyr has stepped forward for the sake of comedy, and to him we offer our gratitude.  That said, we had no idea said martyr would be a United States Senator…

Illinois Sen. Roland Burris announced last month that he would not run to retain his Senate seat next year, but in his first television interview since making that decision, Burris told ABC News he could change his mind.

“You never say never,” Burris told ABC News… “What I’m still hearing,” Burris said, is “people from all over the country and they are saying, ‘Don’t give up that seat.’”

Now if you read our earlier report that Burris had withdrawn from the race to raise bail money for Rod Blagojevich, we stand fully prepared to issue a retraction right here.  And we’ll do so with utter glee.

See, while we hate to get a story wrong, how could we pass up a chance to cover a 2010 Senate campaign where an incumbent polling 5% among Democrats and 0.6% among independents runs because he thinks it’s the people’s mandate.  Can Burris be serious?  Even Patti Blagojevich polled higher on I’m a Celebrity… Get Me Out of Here!

We also can’t wait to see who Burris drags up to introduce him at rallies, given that everyone from Gov. Pat Quinn to Sen. Dick Durbin to the Daleys, has told him to resign.  Maybe the late John Wayne Gacy will do the honors, given that he’s the only remaining Illinois Democrat that hasn’t issued a statement condemning Burris.

Now Burris could try to bring in a heavy hitter from the national party to drum up excitement.  We understand that John Edwards has an open schedule.  So does Mike Gravel. But even those guys are going to be pretty tough to rope in when your entire campaign budget is $845.

Ah, comedy.

Sen. Al Franken (D-MN) has had a busy first month on the job, what with service dogs and special committees on aging and babies that take after Marv Albert.

Consequently, we don’t blame him for taking so long to move out of that prominent Republican’s house.

And by “that prominent Republican,” we don’t mean Franken’s close buddy G. Gordon Liddy.  We’re talking about Norman Ornstein, a bigwig at the American Enterprise Institute.

The point is, Franken finally got up off that guy’s couch (or guest bedroom as it were) and found a place of his own…

Franken moved into new digs of his very own on Capitol Hill over the weekend, according to an HOH source…

When Franken made trips to D.C. during the seven months that the final results of the Minnesota Senate race were unresolved, he stayed in a guest room at the home of American Enterprise Institute resident scholar (and Roll Call contributing writer) Norman Ornstein. The two are longtime friends, having met at the 1988 Democratic National Convention.

The Frankens shacked up with Ornstein while looking for a new place after the Senator was officially sworn in earlier this month.

While we’re happy that Franken finally has a space large enough to house both his collection of Perry Mason tapes and his ego, we wonder if he wouldn’t be better served by continuing to live with Republicans.

For instance, Rep. Zach Wamp (R-TN) got $5000 from fellow Republican John Ensign simply because the two lived together. (Or, one source alleges, were having an affair.)  All we’re saying is that a stray five grand here and there could only help Franken, especially if Norman Hsu isn’t available to donate the next time around.

We’d like to credit Roll Call, the newspaper of Capitol Hill, for breaking this important story.  That said, we should note that while their reporters confirmed Franken no longer lived with Ornstein, they could only refer to his new home as an “undisclosed” location.

Which means on second thought, maybe Franken is living with a prominent Republican!

Former Senator Norm Coleman (R-MN) came to his senses today in the wake of a unanimous decision by the Minnesota State Supreme Court.  Following the Court’s ruling that Democrat Al Franken’s victories in the general election, recounts, trial motions and judicial panels were all valid and legitimate, Coleman finally found it in his heart to concede defeat in the 2008 election, 239 days after it occurred…

“The Supreme Court has made its decision and I will abide by the results,” Coleman told reporters outside his St. Paul home.

Coleman, appearing relaxed and upbeat, said he had congratulated Franken, was at peace with the decision and had no regrets about the fight, which started almost immediately after the Nov. 4 election.

“Sure I wanted to win,” said Coleman, who called the ruling a surprise. “I thought we had a better case. But the court has spoken.”

And while this concession was actually due almost eight months ago, it’s vastly preferable to a lengthy appeals process and a potential trip to the U.S. Supreme Court, which Coleman chose to waive.

Continuing forward on his own personal calendar, Coleman then departed the press conference to shovel his driveway and shop for a Thanksgiving turkey.