THE EARMARK

Let’s be honest, patriots.  Ronald Reagan was the greatest American since Jesus Christ, and he deserves as much named after him as possible.  Countless freeways and schools, an airport, an aircraft carrier, and a missile test range are not nearly enough!

We must now turn our sights to natural wonders– those landmarks created by God to set the stage for the Great Communicator’s 93-year visit from heaven from (1911-2004).

Thankfully, a San Francisco Bay-area Christian is on the case– and he’s eradicating Satan in the process!

Arthur Mijares never saw it coming when he filed the federal paperwork to change the name of Contra Costa County’s most famous landmark from Mt. Diablo to Mt. Reagan…

“I just happen to be an ordinary man that worships God,” Mijares said by way of explanation. “He gave me this task in my prayer time. I said, ‘Lord, they’re going to think I’m a loon.’”

But only because they’re in league with Satan, Arthur.  Judging from public comments, naming a San Francisco-area mountain for Reagan would be about as popular as renaming the Daytona Motor Speedway for Nancy Pelosi…

In less than a month, more than 80,000 people have joined a Facebook group called “People AGAINST Re-naming Mt. Diablo to Mt. Reagan!!” The Contra Costa County Board of Supervisors, which will vote on the name change Tuesday, has been flooded with e-mail; the heated response runs nine to one against the idea.

Although the Board won’t vote until this afternoon, it’s already clear  the Bay Area has cast its lot with the Devil, and the Reagan movement will have to pick a more auspicious locale for their Messiah’s resurrection.  (We suggest Grover Norquist’s jacuzzi.)

If it’s any solace to the pro-Reagan crowd, it may be impossible for Republicans to get public recognition in greater San Francisco.  In a town where George W. Bush can’t even get a sewage plant named after him, the time may have come to cut bait and just embrace Satan after all.

Tags: George W. Bush, Grover Norquist, Ronald Reagan, Satan