THE EARMARK

And before the Latina-loving governor gets his hopes up, may we remind him that headline does not say Colombia.

No, we’re talking Columbia, South Carolina where the hubristic conservative remains governor, despite a multi-week ordeal wherein he lied to his staff about an Appalachian Trail trek, hightailed it to Argentina to boink a TV reporter, and then came back to South Carolina to cry, suggest he could have been King of the Jews, and work on his Bill Clinton impersonation.

But now he’s going to have to do it without his wife and children.  Because they’re abandoning Sanford in his governor’s mansion…

Jenny Sanford, the wife of Gov. Mark Sanford of South Carolina, will move from the governor’s mansion in Columbia to Charleston with the couple’s four sons, she announced on Friday, signaling that she intends to keep her distance from her husband.

While the news is obviously a setback for the governor, we’re confident that he could fill the vacancies in his mansion without too much trouble.  Topping the list of likely guests…

Maria Belén Chapur- This would be the aforementioned reporter at the heart of the Sanford affair.  Helping her cause for admittance is that she’s Sanford’s proclaimed soul mate.  (Sorry, Bill Maher.)

His Old Roomies From the Capitol Hill Christian Group House- Nothing could be more Christian than welcoming a stranger into your home, only in the case of Sanford’s old roommates John Ensign (R-NV) and Chip Pickering (R-MS), you’ll have to replace the word “stranger” with “fellow self-righteous blowhard who also cheated on his wife.”  Oh, and Rep. Zach Wamp (R-TN) will tag along, too — although mostly just for the free cash.

700,000,000 Dollar Bills- That would be the stimulus money that Sanford refuses to spend after being knocked off his soapbox and being forced to accept money for roads, schools and hospitals.  The governor could use a cuddling partner right about now, and George Washington seems as worthy as anyone.

Fellow Philandering Governor Jim Gibbons (R-NV)- Gibbons is the Ying to Sanford’s Yang, as evidenced by the two men’s post-affair trajectories.  While Sanford was abandoned in his mansion as his wife headed home, out in Nevada, it was Gibbons who got kicked out of the mansion while his wife stayed!  Now Gibbons would have probably prefered some classier accomodations than downtown Columbia.  For instance, crashing with some fashionable gay friends in midtown Manhattan would be much more appealing — but hey, we can’t all be Rudy Giuliani.

Tags: Bill Clinton, Chip Pickering, Jim Gibbons, John Ensign, Mark Sanford, Rudy Giuliani, Zach Wamp