THE EARMARK

Someone in Louisiana has it in for porn star/U.S. Senate candidate Stormy Daniels and her campaign consultant Brian Welch.  In a raunchy bit of political foreplay, an unidentified gigolo blew up Welch’s car in downtown New Orleans on Tuesday night.

Although police have yet to arrest an assailant, all eyes have turned to the Louisianan most associated with women of ill repute — and wouldn’t you know it, that guy just happens to be Daniels’ opponent!

We refer, of course, to the sex industry’s one-man stimulus package, Sen. David Vitter (R-LA).  Now we certainly wouldn’t claim Vitter is the man shown igniting the car in a surveillance video obtained by Welch.  But he has plenty of reason to want Daniels out of the race, not the least of which is that she was outpolling him 4 to 1 as recently as this spring.

But despite an obvious motive, nothing else about the crime screams “David Vitter.”  For instance, where was the temper tantrum and stampede through security doors?  Where was the $249 million for termite research?  And where was the Senator himself, fleeing the scene in sexy diapers?

Plus Vitter has an alibi.  Both before and after the car bombing, he was spotted in Washington ripping Sonia Sotomayor for not using baseball analogies like John Roberts did and fellow Republican George Voinovich for being a moderate.

So Vitter himself is eliminated as a suspect.  But what about members of his family?  It’s certainly a possibility, given that he’s been known to dispatch his daughter for campaign dirty work.  And then there’s his wife, Wendy, who has compared herself to Lorena Bobbitt — meaning that she’s capable of assaulting celebrity porn stars.

No matter who the assailant is, we advise him or her to proceed with caution.  Unless she’s being paid, Stormy Daniels will not go down easily.  And if you don’t believe us, just stop by her husband’s hospital room.

Tags: David Vitter, George Voinovich, Sonia Sotomayor, Stormy Daniels