Item! The word in Washington is that Sen. John McCain (R-AZ) is about to announce his pick for his vice-presidential running mate! This will be McCain’s most important decision of the campaign. Whoever serves as his #2 will have the responsibilities of:
* Serving as President of the U.S. Senate.
*Being dispatched to dinner functions in countries whose cuisine gives McCain gas.
* Running the country each night from 7 to 8 pm while McCain is watching Matlock.
Washington Insiders have narrowed down McCain’s choices to five front-runners and the Pages are pleased to give you our Official Vegas Betting Odds on each of them:
| Name | Why He’ll Get It | Why He Won’t | Page’s Betting Odds |
Tim Pawlenty Governor of Minnesota |
Evangelical Christian from a potential swing-state. | Who wants a vice-president who can’t even score with his own wife? | 2 : 1 |
Mitt Romney Former Governor of Massachusetts |
Only candidate who can carry the hedge fund and polygamy votes simultaneously. | Americans might be intimidated by such a brilliant, accomplished, righteous, wealthy, handsome family man. (Source: Mitt Romney) | Six : Half-Dozen |
Charlie Crist Governor of Florida |
Having an obviously gay man on the ticket could help McCain cut into a traditionally Democratic voting bloc. | His dark orange tan clashes badly with the McCain campaign’s blue-and-white theme colors. | 69 : 1 |
Joe Lieberman Senator from Connecticut |
Brings valuable experience in the field of losing vice-presidential campaigns. Comes with his own theme song. | Dogged by insidious Washington whisper campaign that he is a Jew. | 666 : 1 |
Bobby Jindal Governor of Louisiana |
Introduced an Amber Alert for senior citizens in his home state, so he’ll be ready to respond when McCain wanders off during a G-8 Summit. | America may not be ready for a Catholic vice-president. | 1.132 billion : 1 |
Tags: Bobby Jindal, Charlie Crist, Joe Lieberman, John McCain, Mitt Romney, Tim Pawlenty
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